


chemical balance

by genesys (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Nymphomania, University AU, dependant!zayn, implied smut/cheating, kinda positive if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-09 19:16:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/genesys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall doesn't reply, so Zayn continues. "Whatever I did.. I'm sorry. Just please.. please don't be in love with someone else."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> P L A Y L I S T :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5yrC9rWGjfv_jfjd2V867-mET1vFlEQY&feature=mh_lolz
> 
>  
> 
> i tried 8tracks but that didn't work out for me so.. hopefully this works:)

He woke up in a bed that didn't belong to him, in a house that didn't belong to him, in a body that belonged to him. Unfortunately.

The early morning sunlight was bleeding through the curtains, and he squinted against it to get a better look at his surroundings. He remembered where he was after getting a good look at the room, seeing the mahogany dresser next to the door and the pair of shoes laying beside it on the floor. He remembered stumbling in here with a person in his arms, his knee colliding with the corner of that piece of furniture.

It wasn't until a figure beside him wriggled about a little that he realized he didn't dream up this whole thing. They looked awfully young - he was young himself, but this person looked significantly younger.

They rolled onto their back, the sheet wrapping around them like a fajita, and blinked doe-like brown eyes up at him. "Hey." 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and ran a clammy hand through his tousled bed-hair. Blonde bed hair. "Hi." He smiled a small smile, then tried to get out of bed as best as he could without pulling the blanket away with him. The floor was cold and he winced at that, praying he didn't look like he was freaking out on the outside as much as he really was on the inside.

"You never told me your name." He thought he was hearing things, but when he looked back over to the bed, the person was in the same position as before. "It's Niall." 

Finally, the person - who Niall really hoped was older than seventeen - sat up, letting the sheet slip down their torso slowly. They were wearing a singlet as it turned out, and Niall couldn't help but smirk, the logo of his favourite football team was splayed across the front. "...And yourself?"

"Jesse." They answered surprisingly quickly, eyes glued to Niall's arse as he pulled his jeans up over it. It stayed that way until Niall was fully dressed, his coat draped over his forearm. "Nice to meet you. I'll be going then, yeah? Have a.. nice day."

They nodded, smiling kindly, and Niall couldn't take any more. He crept out into the hallway, hearing chatter from a room he was passing.  _If this is the parent's house I swear..._ He thought, but he was pleasantly taken back. The voices from inside the room came from people who didn't look any older than Niall himself. One of them must have caught him out of the corner of their eye because they stopped talking midsentence and turned towards him. "Hello there,"

Niall raised his eyebrows, looking between the both of them. He mistook one of them for a young version of David Beckham, and the other for - "You a _friend_ of Jess'?"

He internally laughed at the emphasis the boy put on 'friend', "I guess." The boy laughed at the hesitance in his voice. "I'm Harry, this is Liam. Roommates and that, y'know." And Niall just nodded curtly, glancing to each of them once more before hugging his coat tight to his chest and taking a few steps away. "Nice meeting you. I'll just be.. yeah." 

Once gone, Liam uncrossed his arms and looked at Harry sternly, which earned him a chuckle. "Oh come on, don't be like that. Jess is perfectly capable of taking care of this kind of thing. It's not like we're in any position to put up a 'no boys in the house' rule." 

"It's not like that would stop anything."

 

 

The journey back to the campus was torture on Niall's legs, tired and jello-ish. He groaned all the way to the bus stop, all the way to the dorm block, in the elevator, down the hall, and then finally to his door. It was unlocked as always, so he just walked right in. "Morning, Louis."

"Out late again," The boy on the sofa started, looking up from his book. "Hair's a mess, shoes untied.. and you're wearing the same outfit from yesterday afternoon at exactly ... " He checks his watch, "Three. Which means you had a nice little sleepover last night." 

Niall squints at him, bypassing his over analyzing and trying to read the title of his book. "What'cha reading?" He asks as he drops himself down on the sofa next to Louis, running his fingertips through his hair. "Paper towns." Louis replies, or rather mutters. "It's pretty good, I've been reading it nonstop since yesterday. But I actually slept last night so.."

They sit in silence for a bit, Louis reading and Niall reading over his shoulder, trying to pinpoint where his friend is at on the page. Suddenly - Louis jumps a little, closing his book and turning his body towards his roommate. "Zayn!" Niall raised his eyebrows expectantly. "He called last night and this morning. Said he was texting you all last night but you didn't reply."

Niall sighs, slumping back into the sofa. "I guess I should call him, then."

Louis pulls a  _'well no shit'_  face, nodding pointedly towards Niall's phone. With only a little hesitation, he picks it up, dialling his boyfriend's number and holding the phone up to his ear - biting away at his nails as he awaited what would come of this. Zayn answered before the second ring even had a chance of sounding.

"Niall, oh my god. I thought you died." 

He shot a look towards Louis, who was refocused on his book. "I'm fine, darling."

"Please don't do that again, Niall. No one I called knew where you were and I really need you." Zayn was almost panting. He sounded like he'd just run a marathon before picking up the phone. "What did you need me for?" His tone was levelled and kind, turning up at the end to form the question. Niall knew Zayn didn't respond well to harsh tones. "I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today?"

Niall chuckled gently to himself, not even noticing the insessant tapping his right hand was doing on the arm rest. "Of course. Are you free anytime soon?"

"I'm free now!"

He was glad his significant other wasn't here right now, because his expression and his voice were doing two completely different things. "Great, come on over."

 

That he did. Ten minutes later, Louis' eyes followed Niall as he promptly got off the sofa and answered the door, immediately pulling the man on the other side into a hug that could probably feed a village if it was food. The two didn't move from the door for a while, they stayed in the threshold and held eachother - swaying softly from side to side. Finally, one of them pulled away, only to be pulled back in a second later for a kiss.

"What happened last night? Where were you?" Zayn asked, staring at Niall's lips as he traced his cupid's bow with his fingertip. 

"He had a family crisis." Louis chided from the sofa. "Don't know why he couldn't have told you that before he left, but oh look.. he's here now." Niall shot him a relieved smile and then turned back to Zayn. "Had to babysit."

Zayn ruffled his already mussed black hair, his lips quirking up at the corners. "Oh, lovely." His amber coloured eyes were wide all of a sudden, peering over Niall's shoulder so he could see where the other voice came from. "Hi Louis!"

The boy on the sofa put his book down and wandered over to them, standing a few metres away from the two. "Doing alright, Zayn?"

"Yes." Zayn stated calmly, reverting back to tracing Niall's lips with his fingertips as he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist. "Coursework is absolutely crazy these days, though. Your's?"

Louis shrugged, pivoting around and grabbing his keys and wallet from the coffee table. "Trying not to fall behind. I'll be out, Niall, El invited me out to a movie so.. guard the castle alright?" Niall smiled lightly and nodded, guiding Zayn into the dorm so Louis could exit and close the door.

 

 

Now, half an hour later, they're sprawled out on the living room floor - For absolutely no reason.

"How long have we been dating?" Niall reaches out a little and presses his open palm to where Zayn's heart would be, and thanks to the long pause the latter takes, he swears he could hear his heart beating. "Five months and a day."

He doesn't say anything after that, just lets his fingers trail over Zayn's chest and down his arm - lacing their fingers together. As you can imagine, laying on the floor gets boring after a while, Zayn is the first one to acknowledge that. He rolls over onto his side and props himself up on an elbow, sight falling to his boyfriend's pale neck. "You have a lovebite on your neck."

It's soft, but Niall hears it, lifting two fingers to the bruise - wincing the slightest bit at the sting that follows the touch.

"You have a lovebite." Zayn repeats. "You do, and it's not from me. I don't give you lovebites."

Niall knits his eyebrows together, looking into Zayn's eyes as his continue to stare at his neck. "I..-"

"Did your nephew give you a hickey? I don't suppose that's a Horan family tradition?" His tone is suddenly tilted towards venomous. Niall shakes his head slowly, knowing there wasn't anything he could say that could calm him down. 

Zayn barks out a laugh, a sickening laugh. His eyes are glassy looking, even from the awkward angle Niall's looking at them from. "I slept with someone." And that's what causes those dark eyes to meet with blue. "Am I not enough?" He asks, basically whispering.

Niall doesn't reply, so Zayn continues. "Whatever I did.. I'm sorry. Just please,  _please_ don't be in love with someone else."


	2. chapter two

[x](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da-ELYFRFpc)

The professor let his eyes skim over the class, well aware that a good percentage of the students were occupied with another activity. Besides his lecture, which has been going on for the past hour. He cleared his throat weakly, picking up a metre stick and harshly dragging it over the length of the chalkboard. 

Niall jolted up from his desk, rudely awoken from his much needed nap. A voice across the room hollered over the groaning students. "What the hell! Why do you even have a chalkboard?"

The professor tilted his head and once again looked around to put a name to a voice. "Ah, Mr. Styles. Long time no see. Maybe if you bothered to show up for regular lectures you'd know I've taught in this very room for the expanse of my career. This blackboard has been written on by guest professors whose names your simple mind wouldn't be able to pronounce.." He paused, managing to stay completely still. "Even if you tried."

A young lady sitting beside Niall taut her fingers against her cheekbone, resting her elbow on the table - so obviously trying not to laugh. Others weren't worrying so much, chuckling weakly. When Niall finally got the chance, he scouted the room for  _Mr. Styles_ , his eyes landing on a familiar face.

"Mr. Horan." A stern voice spoke, drawing his attention to the chalkboard again. Niall raised his eyebrows, his lips parted. "Focus, will you?"

All that escaped his lips was a small excuse for a noise, so he settled for nodding and sinking into his seat. That didn't stop him from his curiosity, and soon enough he was granted an answer.  _Harry._ From the other day? The roommate?

Niall furrowed his brow, hesitantly paying attention to the professor again. 

 

After class he watched as Harry and a small group of people exited the class, laughing and talking to eachother. Niall absentmindedly collected his things and headed out, close to giving up on taming his racing thoughts. He was unintentionally stopped at the door, now face-on with a surprised Harry Styles.

He laughed and held both of his hands up at the sides of his head, and Niall hoped he hadn't squealed. "Sorry. Forgot my sociology book." Then he slipped past Niall's shoulder and picked up a stray book that was laying face up on a desk. 

"Jesse's one night stand! It's you! How're you?" He was oddly amused.

Niall bit down on his tongue, simultaneously shaking his head and shrugging at the same time - whilst maintaining a scared expression. "I'm alright." He clucked his tongue, digging his fingertips into the spine of his book. "Yourself?"

"I'm good, about to head out with some friends to watch the team's first game of the season, welcome to come along if you'd like?"

Niall shook his head again, forcing his lips to tug up into a makeshift smile. "No thanks. Which team, though?" Harry grinned cheekily and obviously felt good about being asked to explain. "The campus football team, they're having their first game tonight. It's a free for all if you change your mind." With that, he pats the side of Niall's shoulder and walks out into the hallway.

He's flustered, to say the least.

If Louis walks into the dorm that night and catches him with a hand down his pants, he doesn't mention it.

 

Niall sits with Zayn in the library the next morning, and they stare at eachother for a while before Niall moves closer and captures his lips in a kiss - which ends up lasting longer than Zayn would've prefered. Then he kindly pushes him away but stays close enough to bury his head in the juncture where Niall's neck meets his shoulder. Zayn reads and Niall pretends to whilst he silently sulks and attempts to snake his fingers into Zayn's trousers. 

"We're in the library, Niall." He mutters plainly, flipping the page of his book. 

The blonde scoffs. "And why is that?"

"Because we were _meant_ to be studying, and you owe me anyways." Zayn says. Niall relaxes his shoulders, rolling them back and closing his eyes. "For what?" And then he bites the inside of his cheek and hopes Zayn didn't hear him, moving his arm up around his boyfriend's waist so he can rest his hand soothingly on his stomach. "Sometimes I read books with really interesting characters and wish I was like them. I wish I had their problems instead of my own, because then I'd know for sure that everything would work out in the end." _  
_

Niall lifts his free hand up a little and cards his fingers through the dark brown head of hair infront of him, making a small 'hm' noise so Zayn knew he was listening. "If I ever wrote a novel, I'd absolutely write you in. You'd be the most interesting character."

Zayn hums approvingly, placing his thumb on the page he was reading, closing the cover. He tilted his head back against Niall's shoulder as if he was trapped in slow motion, smiling up at him in awe. "You would write about me?"

"I would."

The librarian opens one of the windows a bit, and instantly the sound of the rainy weather outside fills the sitting area. "Niall?" 

Niall makes the same 'hm' noise, still absentmindedly running his fingers through Zayn's neatly styled hair.

"Do you love me?"

Neither of them are strangers with uncomfortable silences, so as soon as the three-second mark hits, they know it's not right. Zayn turns his head into Niall's neck and closes his eyes, letting out an inaudible sigh which Niall feels tickling his skin. He figures he's forgiven.

"Someday it could be love, I promise. It'll be love."

And that was that.

 

On his way to class that afternoon, he runs into Harry - literally. He mutters apologies and tries his best to collect all the papers that he accidentally knocked out of his arms. Harry just laughs softly and keeps telling him "It's fine, honestly."

They walk the rest of the way to class together, although hurriedly. Niall clears his throat, feeling his cheeks heat up. "So.. how come you're here? I mean, you live a while away from campus."

Harry shrugs, almost dropping his belongings for the second time. "I have a dorm here during the week, and I stay with Liam and Jesse every weekend just incase my parents pop by for a visit." The questioning look he gets urges him to go on, so he clears his throat and keeps talking. "I told my parents I got into Oxford, they believed me, Liam so happens to go to Oxford...-"

Niall lets out a small laugh and readjusts his books in his arms, following a crowd of students into the classroom. "So you lied to your parents?"

"It was more like a fib. A white lie if you will," Harry counters, setting his books down in the spot next to Niall. "It all works out anyways so it's all good." The blonde laughs a little more, sitting down. "I could never do that. It's hard enough keeping Zayn a secret from my parents, I don't think I could handle keeping  _that_ big of a secret."

Harry watches him with an unreadable look, drawing his bottom lip into his mouth with his teeth. It looked like he was overthinking, over analyzing. Just like Louis would. Niall figures Louis and Harry would get along quite well.

"Zayn..?"

And he's instantly filled to the brim with an unsettling regret. Taking a moment to remember how he met Harry. At the dorm of a one night stand, and he was praised for it, and now they're almost talking about his _boyfriend_. "A friend of mine." Harry nods, then opens his mouth to speak, no later closing it again - And that's exactly when the professor begins talking.


	3. chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anything in italic is a flashback. :)
> 
> one word is just emphasis, obviously. but a whole paragraph or yeah is a flashback.
> 
> I LOST HALF OF THIS BECAUSE I'M A CLUTZ AND I CLOSED THE TAB BY ACCIDENT BUT IT'S ALL GOOD I HAVE A GOOD MEMORY. sigh.

[new playlist:](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8wqmh3KybI&list=PL5yrC9rWGjfv_jfjd2V867-mET1vFlEQY)

 

This time, he woke up in his own bed - topless, aswell. A sleeping body lay beside him, on their back with their head turned to the side. Niall ran his knuckles lightly over their exposed stomach and waited for them to catch onto the touch.

Zayn stirred slightly, yawning and turning his head to look at Niall. He blinked at him sleepily, and Niall had to look away to not get lost in his eyes. Sounds cheesy, but you'd feel the same if you knew someone as beautiful as Zayn Malik.

"Hello." He hadn't even noticed he still had a hand on Zayn's stomach, but it wasn't like either of them minded. "Hi." The latter's voice was soft and mildly croaky, but it gave Niall satisfaction that he was the only one who'd get to see the 'I just woke up' Zayn.

Niall's eyebrows raised when he heard some slight noise outside the door and then the dorm-door closing and locking. He figured it was just Louis going off to a morning class, or something like that. "When'd you come by here last night?" He narrowed his eyes against the poor amount of sunlight that was shining on their faces, trying his best not to act like it bothered him too much. Zayn smiled crookedly and pawed at his other's collarbone playfully. "Around twelve. I went with some friends to a movie and then, yeah. You were dead asleep, though. Didn't want to wake you."

A cloud must've floated infront of the sun, because the room was suddenly a lot darker than before. Niall drew his lips into a tight, almost disturbed smile, and broke eyecontact for the second time. "Where were you last night? What did you do?"

_"Oh, fuck." Niall sighed, closing his eyes and leaning the back of his head against the wall. The junior laughed and stood up, using the back of his hand as a napkin as he wiped his mouth. "Consider that a thank you note for helping me with my sociology homework." The boy tipped forward and put his hands on the wall ahead of him, bracketting Niall's head, who was staring up at him with awe and teeth-bitten red lips._

_Niall offered him a small smile and placed a hand on the back of the junior's neck, forcing him downwards so they were inches away. "No worries."_

_Then they kissed and parted ways._

_  
_He pulled Zayn closer and wrapped his arms securely around his waist, which earned him a hum of approval. "Had a late class, then came back here and passed out I guess." And he was genuinely shocked by how smooth his lie sounded. "How was the movie?"

"It was nice. My friend wouldn't stop talking through the whole two hours, it reminded me of you."

Niall raised his eyebrows and scoffed. "Reminded you of me, how?" Zayn just turned his head inwards to Niall's shoulder and laughed. Niall could feel his long eyelashes flutter against his collar bone. "You always whisper comments to me during movies, even when we're alone. You _always_ whisper."

 

_"We have to be quiet, okay?" Niall said, in a hushed tone, and the girl pressed herself impossibly closer to his body - giggling and nodding simultaneously. She let out a kind of quiet but still drawn out moan, hiking her leg higher up Niall's side so it rested at his hip. Niall found her noises odd, considering they hadn't done much yet._

_She, who had earlier mentioned her name was Kay (though Niall already knew because she was a friend of Zayn's) leaned in for a kiss, and was subtly rejected - recieving a neck kiss instead. "You're so cute, Ni."_

_A nickname and a remotely backhanded compliment. The dynamic duo._

_He forced an uneasy smile and Kay's eyes fluttered open, shining almost unrealistically - considering they were in an unlit storage room. Yes, a storage room. Niall lowered her back onto the ground and began buttoning up his trousers again. "I should go, have class in .. ten minutes. Nice seeing you."_

_"Sure. Tell Zaynie I said hello!"_

_Of course he wouldn't. As if he didn't do enough stupid things._

_  
_[+](https://24.media.tumblr.com/2bf3aedfdb63d848ccea2bd203ea7c94/tumblr_muq8rwNL241sq61m1o1_500.jpg)

 

"Niall Horan." Harry said to himself, reading off the ID card he held in his hands. "Sounds like whore-an. You really live up to your name, don't you?" Niall couldn't tell if he was teasing anymore, although he hoped he was. He snatched the card back and placed it back in his wallet. 

"It's Gaelic."

Harry snorts. "Gay-lick." Niall glares at him. 

The professor, Mr. Luft, lifts his glasses off the bridge of his nose and pinches the bone with his index finger and thumb. "Alright, class. I know you're all tired and excited for the weekend, I know. I remember what it's like to be young. Attending frat parties and such. Yes."

He pauses, removing his hand from his face, staring at the class with dead eyes. "The influential artists essay was meant to be due on Monday, as you may recall, but as a reasonable man I've decided to give you all a _one day_ extension." Literally everyone had a positive reaction to that. "Everything must be handed in next Tuesday. Or else your final mark for the semester won't be added. Dismissed."

With that, students began piling out. Niall and Harry took their time collecting their things, unintentionally following one another out into the hallway. Halfway down the corridor, Harry said something to himself and laid a hand on Niall's shoulder - who turned and looked at him. "That reminds me. Could you maybe help me out with my essay? I'm kind of falling behind, and I saw the first page of your paper today in class and it's.. wow." He smiles. "Could you?"

Niall agrees, and they somehow decide to head to the dining hall for lunch. He notices this is the first day of the year he's eaten lunch without Zayn.

 

Now, he's not too sure of himself in any sense, but he knows himself - and he knows he's one to jinx things. That's because not ten seconds later the doors push open and in walks Zayn and a remotely taller boy. His hands are in his pockets, whilst Zayn's arms link through his. 

Harry watches the blonde's eyes for a moment before following his line of sight. He grins brightly and waves his hand around, causing the pen that was situated between his fingers to fall and hit his forehead. Zayn's face brightens and he forcibly pulls the boy over to the table, immediately ditching him and clinging onto Niall - who thanks every lord there is that there's not too much affection. 

When he glances over to the other side of the table, he's happy to see Harry and the David Beckham lookalike from last week (Liam) were emerged in conversation. But he knows all about jinxing.

"So." Harry starts, pivoting around in his seat. "You're Zayn I take it? Pleasure to meet you, really. Niall's mentioned you." Zayn nibbles on his lip but it does nothing whatsoever to contain his near fucking  _giggle_. He tightens his grip on Niall's forearm, who rests his opposing hand on his boyfriend's side. "Wow, that's so nice."

He lifts his free hand up and runs his fingers through his half-ass styled quiff, smiling sweetly. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm helping Harry with his essay." Niall says quickly, reaching his arm out a little so he can show Zayn what they've done so far. "Oh, I love essays." He sighs contently, his eyes flickering over to Liam - who tilts his head and smirks back at him. "You mean you talk about them and I write them out." And Niall cringes at the noise the boy beside him makes. 

He moves Zayn's arms away from him and he collects his things, hitting the side of Harry's shoulder with his hand. "C'mon, we have PVA." It took the latter a good twenty seconds or so before he realized what he meant (preforming visual arts studies) and began to tidy up his portion of the table. Zayn only seemed disappointed for a second, but got over it and was hovering over Liam again in no time. 

Niall would be lying if he said, even just to himself, that he didn't suddenly develop a hatred for Liam.

 


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> side note: i'm going to make louis a bit like tobias funke from arrested development but still like... louis yknow. hes gonna make everyone uncomfortable unabashedly etc. hahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day because I have racing thoughts right now and they need to calm the frickin frack down so.  
> enjoy haha
> 
> decided to take a little look into zayn's life instead of niall's.

At the moment, it is very likely that Niall Horan's promiscuous little hands are down someone's pants. 

Does Zayn know that? Of course not. He's oblivious. If you had a split screen of what every couple in Cambridge were doing - one of the sides would be blank, because every couple is most likely together. But there'd be one split screen in the far corner that displayed a blonde sophomore giving an older student a handjob on one side .. and a smiley brunette sitting on the sofa with a young David Beckham watching Frozen on the other.

Zayn picks Liam's right hand up and observes it like it's the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. He ghosts his fingers over the knuckles and beams. "You have nice hands."

Liam ducks his head, coughing out a laugh that didn't at all sound weirded out. "Bet you say that to Niall all the time." But Zayn shakes his head. "No. He doesn't let me see his hands. Especially in public." His head snaps up when the movie gets to the part with the snowbeast. He watches in silence. "You know what he told Harry?" Liam asks, which catches Zayn's immediate attention.

"He told him that you're just a friend of his."

Zayn's face falls, but he manages to turn his lips up into a crooked, broken smile. "Did he?"

Liam opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it again, lacing his fingers with Zayn's. "I think he's ashamed of being with you, Z. Harry doesn't even know you're dating him either.. he said Niall said it's hard enough keeping you from his parents."

That's really all Zayn needs for him to whip out his phone and type out a frantic message, all the while ignoring the comments Liam is making saying 'don't mention I said anything'.

**zayn: niall james horan!!!! we need to talk. now!**

**  
**He angrily stares at his phone screen until it's lit up with a reply.

**niall: okay.. kind of busy right now. doing homework. i'll call you in a few minutes.**

**zayn: -no this is important! yuo call me right now!!- [Deleted]**

**zayn: oh ok im sorry**

**  
**Liam peers over his shoulder and reads through the short conversation, sighing in relief at the fact he wasn't mentioned. "Set him straight, will you? Don't let him off easy this time."

 

[+](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1o975rY8A1qb9pa3o1_500.gif)

 

As soon as the film is over, Zayn excuses himself and walks all the way to Niall's dormblock, by himself. Which is a first. He knocks on the door harshly at first, then decides Niall won't answer the door if he sounds scary so he loosens his grip.

Louis comes to the door first, smiling kindly. "Hi. Looking for Niall?"

Zayn swallowed the lump in his throat and croaked out a weak, "Yes." So he followed Louis through the reasonably sized dorm and into Niall's room, where he was playing xbox on his bed. Zayn's knees almost gave out at the sight - his hair was disheveled and he was topless, only wearing a pair of basketball shorts with his pants waistband poking out from underneath. "You're in trouble, mister." 

Suddenly, Niall was interested. He tossed his controller aside and rolled onto his stomach, grinning cheekily. "Are you gonna do something about it?"

"I am." Zayn replied slowly, but sternly. The minutes passed and he still hadn't caught on that the immature excuse for a man infront of him was convinced he was using this as a kink. "You told Harry that I was just your friend! What kind of boyfriend does that?"

"Oh.. Zayn." Niall rolled off the bed and upright, walking over and attempting to pull Zayn close to him, which only failed for the first four seconds. "I'm sorry. I have no excuse I just..-"

Zayn cut him off, furrowing his brow. "You're ashamed of me! He said you're ashamed of me and you are!" He took a step back, praising himself for not tumbling over. The blonde gaped at him until he could put together a proper sentence. "I'm not ashamed of you I.. wait, who told you I was ashamed of you?"

 _Oh no_. Zayn froze, his eyes going wide. "No one."

"Someone must have told you, or else you wouldn't be squealing about it now." Niall retorted, and it was his turn to look stern. Zayn made a noise in the back of his throat. "Please don't interrogate me, I don't appreciate it." He spoke very quickly and script-like, then raised an eyebrow. "I'm not. I'm sorry, okay. Let's just forget it happened, was a mere slip of the tongue was it?"

Zayn complied instantly, lunging forward into his boyfriend's arms, holding onto him like a vice. 

"Don't be ashamed of me, please." He whispered into Niall's neck.

Niall didn't reply, but Zayn didn't expect him to.

 

+

 

"Salvador Dali was talented as fuck." Harry said, mostly to himself. 

Niall inhaled deeply and lifted his head from the table, setting his eyes on the page of the book Harry was showing to him- seeing the frail, lithe arms of the ballerina and thinking of how amazingly thin Zayn's wrists are. Then he sees the legs, not seeing much resemblance considering well.. mostly everything. But the near ghost-like figure reminded him of how sometimes he'd be somewhere on his phone, or reading, and he'd look over and see Zayn just tucked into his side - reading the same book but in a different make of cover.

"Sure was."

The boy one seat away brushed his unruly hair back on his head with a flat palm, stuttering out a sigh. "What's with you?"

Niall thought for a moment. Even considered telling him how he really felt about all that's happened since yesterday, but he didn't. "Nothing, man. Just tired. Zayn came over and.."

Harry laughed, turning his attention back to his book, flipping through the pages to find the ones that had pictures. "Say no more." And Niall was too tired to correct him, so he just let him think of it what he will.

"I think I have a problem, Harry."

"A problem?"

He nods, but that's the only reply he gives. Harry clears his throat. "Care to elaborate?"

"I like having sex a little too much." Niall says, which makes Harry laugh. "I think everyone has that problem. Nothing to worry about, mate." Then he checks his watch and groans. "So sorry, gotta get going. Promised my friend Sophia i'd cheer her on while she.. cheers the football team on."

He leaves, and Niall wishes he was someone else so he could walk away from him too. But he's stuck, in more ways than one.

 


	5. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might write this tonight and publish it tomorrow cause three chapters in one day is.. well. but i have tons of ideas and dialogue etc :(
> 
> SMUT IF YOU TILT YOUR HEAD AND SQUINT. this is only my second time writing half ass /anti climactic smut so..  
> i tried to use the word condom but then i was like 'what would john green do' so i wrote a fancy grown up word.

The moans he was recieving only urged him to continue doing what he was doing. Niall groaned, burying his head in the crook of Zayn's neck, speeding up the movement of his hips with the light permission from the boy below him. 

The room fell quiet, but it was short-lived as Zayn erupted in a fit of giggles. Niall panted and smiled genuinely, pulling out of him and discarding the contraceptive - coming close to gagging when it touches his wrist. Afterwards he lay back on the pillows and pulled Zayn onto his chest, breathing in and out steadily - his eyes fluttering closed.

'You're fine.' He told himself, hoping he wasn't talking outloud. 'You're fine. You won't move. You're not going anywhere, Zayn's here, you're okay.' He shudders, drumming his fingers in a rythm against his boyfriend's shoulder. 

"I love you." Niall said, talking into a head of hair. Zayn hummed and blinked slowly against Niall's shoulder, which wasn't an unfamiliar feeling. "You're important."

The two laid like that in silence, until the room got dark enough for both of them to drift off to sleep.

As the morning approached, the anxiety that had built up in Niall's body from last night was spilling over the edge, taking over his mind and when he was positive he couldn't control it - he slid out of bed, wrote Zayn a note, and headed off to who knows where.

Where he conveniently bumped into Harry, though not literally, and ended up behind the library building - crying in his arms. "Well damn," Harry exclaimed, awkwardly petting the blonde's bed-ruined hair. "I thought you were generalizing the sex thing."

Niall shook his head. 

"Does Zayn know?" And Niall inhaled sharply, watching as ripped up leaves skidded across the damp concrete - with help of the wind. "I couldn't tell him even if I wanted to. He's paranoid about me, he'll try to get me help."

"You _do_ need help, yes?" Harry asked timidly. The only reply he got was a confused stare from the blonde. 

 

+

 

It was two weeks before Niall learned that Harry's middle name was Edward, and that his name was infact  _Harry_ no matter how many times people made believe that it was Harold. He didn't know much about Niall, but he had taken on the duty of being a portable therapist, and he loved every second of it.

Zayn would usually materialize out of thin air which signalled the 'therapy session' was over, and they'd smile and pretend like they hadn't been talking about sexual addiction. He'd rope his arms around Niall and Niall would lean into him and try to pinpoint which of the ten colognes he'd chosen to wear that day. 

Harry would cough into his sweater-clad elbow and act like they were spreading the plague, then ask Niall if Liam had come by the school lately - which was always a positive.

Because Liam had transferred, Harry learned, his body tensing up. Liam had transferred to this school for an unknown reason and now Harry didn't have a school he could pretend to go to anymore. He was officially at Cambridge now.

One day, Liam joined them for lunch - taking a seat on the other side of Zayn after smirking in Niall's general direction. "Afternoon, men." Niall sucked on his teeth and tightened his grip around Zayn's waist. 

"Hey, Niall. How's the sex problem going?"

"There's no problem." Niall retorted through a clenched jaw, forcing a smile. 

Liam looked between Zayn and Niall, his brow furrowed. "Oh? Might I call you deNiall now, then? Even though that's not the only thing you've been _in_ lately."

Zayn sniffled. "What's he talking about?" 

"Nothing. Don't worry."

 

+

 

They fought for the first time about a block away from the school. And if either one of them tried to say it wasn't a spur of the moment thing, they'd be lying. Liam was walking one way, to the town center - and Niall the other, back to school from the town center. Liam muttered "Nympho." and Niall scoffed and yelled "Atleast I'm getting some."

It's not too difficult to figure out what happened after that.

 

+

 

"Oh, baby." Zayn cooed, almost in tears, lightly dabbing Niall's bloodied lip with a damp facecloth. "Hey Niall?" A voice called out and basically echoed throughout the entire dorm, it belonged to Louis. "Niall, guess what man." He pushed open the halfway opened door, removing his glasses from his face. "Just saw Liam. God damn he was  _fucked up._ O-oh, so are you." He laughs wryly, and Niall mimicks his laughter.

Louis wanders around him, his eyes never leaving his face. "It looks like your face was grinded on by an elephant." He winces. "What kind of kinky shit are you two into.." 

Zayn steadies his breathing - visually looking disturbed and like he's trying his best to focus on Niall and not on Louis. That is, until he's acknowledged. "Oh hey, Zayn. Didn't see you there. Niall's face was blocking you out."

"This is serious, Louis. He could have died."

Louis circled them once more before sitting down crosslegged beside Zayn. "What started it?" But the blonde just shakes his head, pressing his lips together firmly. "I saw him and some guy in the lounge, he was rambling about love or something. That's all I heard when I walked by them." Zayn and Niall made eyecontact for a moment, then Zayn smiled in a verging on painful way and took the bloodied facecloth into the washroom.

The brunette ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath. "You're okay?"

"No." The usually bright blue that made Niall's eyes so significant had surely faded ; and he could tell by the way Zayn looked at him. "But who is." Louis scoffed. "You're not exactly making it any better for yourself by getting into fights." 

"He's right. It's immature and stupid. If someone says something mean to you, you brush it off." His boyfriend stood near the doorway - tugging his sleeves over his closed fists. "Don't encourage them."

Louis simply nods.

 

+

 

On Monday, Zayn and Niall sat together in the library again. Niall tapped his fingers against the armrest of the chair he was sitting in to resist the urge to touch his boyfriend, even just hold him, and Zayn read like he was oblivious to his surroundings. Like he was lost in the story he was reading. And just knowing that distracting Niall's racing thoughts for the remainder of the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to put 'distracted' at the end sorry.  
> I didn't edit this very well


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this entire chapter on my iPad, no lie. Haha.

Mr. Luft wasn't in class that day.  
Replacing him was a short, stocky man with large glasses and a bright red sweater vest. He scribbled his name out on the board. 'Mr. Greaves' but didn't say a word until the lesson began.  
"Alright. Whose heard of last words?"

A few students meekly raised their hands, and he nodded. "The words spoken before one passes on into the afterlife. Nirvana, reincarnation."  
He picked up a piece of chalk and wrote down exactly what he just said, then looked over his shoulder. "You cannot choose how you die. But the thought is to know how you'd prefer to die, ultimately weakening the general fear of death itself."  
Mr. Greaves pauses and turns around, clasping his hands together.

"How would you like to die, miss?" His eyes were deadset on a blonde girl in the front row with a pixie cut. She laughed nervously and exchanged glances with the girl next to her. "Uh, probably sky diving." The professor nodded and moved on to a boy in the far corner who leaned back in his desk and shrugged. "In an apocalypse."

Niall didn't expect to be called on. What with him sitting in the back quietly - doodling cartoons on his notes. The teacher always calls on the kid who doesn't pay attention. "You."

Someone prodded Niall's shoulder and he looked up, confused. Everyone was looking back at him as well.

The professor cleared his throat and smiled thoughtfully. "How would you prefer to die, sir?" To which Niall chuckled low in his throat and tapped the pen he was holding against the wooden wrap-around desk. "From aids."

The blonde girl in the front went wide eyed, a light blush splaying over her cheeks. "Alright. Why is that?"

"Because," Niall bit his lip. "I'd die from doing something.. fun."

"Aids isn't fun." A boy countered, tilting his head as he laughed. "It's like a slow release disease, you'll die from it eventually but you'll suffer until you get to that point."

Niall breathed shakily and glanced about at all the mixed reactions. "Can I go to the washroom?" He left before Mr. Greaves could answer his question, turning right and exiting the building. There, he found a nice tree in the courtyard, where he proceeded to cry until someone walked up and offered him a cigarette.

"Smoking kills." He sniffled, wiping under his eyes with his sleeve. The person, who Niall still hadn't bothered to look up at, chuckled. "We're all one day closer to death, smoking just speeds up the process."

"You're my Louis' roommate, right? Niall or something." The stranger continued.

That comment gave him an idea as to who this stranger was, and after a quick peek in their general direction, he noted that it was in fact a girl. "And you're his girlfriend I take it."

"I prefer Eleanor." She said with a slight lilt to her voice. 'Eleanor' lifted an unlit cigarette to her glossy lips and cupped her hands around the end of it, lighting it with a lighter that looked a lot like a tube of lipstick. "That's a sick lighter." Niall said.

Eleanor beamed, offering it to him to look at. "I have another one that looks like a pack of juicy-fruit back at my dorm. You sure you don't smoke?"

"I never said I didn't smoke." Niall corrected slowly, flicking the lighter on and off, watching the flame appear and disappear. "But I don't. Not cigarettes anyways."

She grinned disbelievingly, her mouth agape. "Marijuana kills too! Brain cells!" And Niall couldn't help but smile at that. "I'd rather be stoned and stupid than soot-lunged and dead."

Eleanor took a long drag from her cigarette, then exhaled a stream of smoke that was twisted about in the windy air. Niall normally would've hated being out here, especially since it's late march and it's been raining for the past two weeks off and on, so the ground was damp as was everything else. Including his trousers, no thanks to the grass.

"Do you read?" She asked before taking another drag. Niall shrugged his shoulders. "I read whatever Zayn reads, even if it makes no sense to me."

She grins. "Zayn?"

"My boyfriend." He says, finally. Without even a note of hesitation.

Then an image pops into his head, but only after Eleanor speaks again. "Oh wow, that's lovely." Because that's totally something Zayn would say. "Yeah.." The blonde sighs, puffing out his cheeks. "Anyone who knows the both of us never understands why we're together. Maybe cause we're pretty different, but opposites attract right?"

Eleanor nods.

"We take care of each other."


	7. chapter seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the beginning and end of this chapter make me feel happy and I don't know why.

Niall unlocks the door to his dorm and steps in, instantly greeted with the smell of .. animal.

He looks around curiously, his brow furrowed. His confusion heightens as he walks through the dorm, then evens out when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the sofa in a _huuuge_ sweater - oh, and holding a kitten. Niall watches them. Watches how playful and cuddly the kitten is towards Zayn, and how fascinated Zayn is by the kitten. 

He swallows the lump in his throat and takes a few steps closer, kneeling infront of the sofa. "You have a kitten.."

Zayn nods, his eyes meeting Niall's for a split second. "Her name is Janice Dickinson." And that was the least of Niall's concerns, although the name was adorably unfitting. "How'd you get him...  _her_ in here?" Janice mewled weakly, stretching her little paws out to bat at Zayn's sweater. 

"Just brought her right in, didn't I. No one'll question the kid with the kitten. Especially not the one with the kitten named Janice Dickinson." Zayn smiled proudly, holding Janice out towards the blonde. 

Niall carefully takes the kitten into his own arms - careful not to drop or harm it. He started to bounce his upperbody like you would if you were holding a baby, but Zayn giggled and shook his head so he stopped. "You smell like smoke." He says as a last minute addition. "Where've you been? That reminds me, you didn't reply to any of my texts since yesterday."

"My phone died."

"Again? Niall, sweetie - do you even charge the poor thing?"

Said boy shrugged his shoulders shallowly. "I will, okay? I have somewhere to be in a bit but stay here alright? I want to hang out with you when I get back." He grinned crookedly.

Zayn beamed just as much and took the kitten back into his own arms, petting her head until she was audibly purring. 

 

+

 

Niall recieved a text halfway to where he was going, asking if he could pick up some cigarettes on the way - with an added angel emoji at the very end. Though he expected nothing less. 

+

"He brought a cat?" Harry asked, his tone drenched in disbelief. "How'd he manage that?" Although he probably was looking forward to more than just a simple shrug as a reply, he took it, popping the end of a cigarette into his mouth and lighting it with a juicy-fruit disguised lighter.

"Sick lighter." Niall chuckled, reaching out for it. Harry made a cocky-noise, which told Niall that he was already well aware of his awesome belongings. "Liam's girlfriend's roommate leant it to me."

He opened his mouth to speak again, but a song he must've deemed familiar came onto the radio (they were in Harry's car, by the way. In the school parking lot.. with the windows rolled down) and his arm snapped out to turn up the volume. Niall laughed and watched the smoke expell from Harry's unreal coloured lips, drifting out the window and into the air. "Tessellate," He mutters to himself. Niall's eyes never leave his lips.

"I quite like you, Niall. You're a proper..  _lad_ if you will." He plucked the cigarette from his lips and turned his head to again exhale the smoke. "I like that."

Niall rested his elbow on the arm-rest, then rested his head against his closed fist. "I quite like you too, Harold."

They stared, and stared. Then stared some more. Small smirks creeping onto both of their lips, eventually reaching their eyes. Niall, being Niall - made the first move and leaned forward, to which Harry complied and did the same. At this point they were merely sharing puffs of breath, then one of them had the nerve.. the  _audacity_.. to do exactly what the other was too timid to do. Their lips brushed in a simple kiss, which lead to another of more simplicity, but their heads were tilted the opposite way. 

Harry almost forgot about his cigarette until it was a milisecond away from burning the side of Niall's neck. He pulled himself away an inch or so, looking over his shoulder and then depositing his cigarette in the ashtray unsteadily located on the dashboard. "I can't do this. I mean, because you and -"

"Zayn?" Niall asked quickly, which to his suprise wasn't at all what Harry was planning on saying. "I was going to say.. nevermind, uhm? What about Zayn then?" Harry raised an eyebrow, no longer smiling. The blonde shrugged and contorted his torso so he was facing forward again. 

"You're with him.."

Niall nodded.

"You're with him, and yet you're in here.. kissing  _me_." Harry scratched at the area above his right eyebrow with his pointer finger and chuckled dryly. "Get the fuck out of my car, Niall."

It was a mystery to Harry which factor pissed him off more ; the fact that Niall hadn't moved in the twenty-second window he'd given him, or the fact that he'd actually kissed him back. "Harry, c'mon." Niall tried with a sick sounding laugh. "Get the fuck out of my car!" 

How could he argue?

 

+

 

Long story short, Niall showed up back at his dorm sooner than he'd expected - feeling significantly worse about himself. He forced a loving smile when Zayn got overexcited and almost threw Janice Dickinson at him (the cat, not the person). "That was short! Where'd you go?"

"Picked up some notes from Harry, he was outside the dorm circle so it didn't take long." Niall shrugged off his varsity jacket and took the kitten into his own hands, setting him down on the armchair opposite from the sofa. He wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist snugly and said a redundant 'come here', like Zayn would refuse a good snuggle.

He kissed Zayn to try to forget that he kissed Harry. 

He touched Zayn to try to make up for the fact he hadn't lately.

He made love to Zayn to try to _wordlessly_ apologize for  _carelessly_ fucking the other people, because they weren't  **him**.

Then as his boyfriend fell asleep on his chest, he pulled a blanket over them, but not before apologizing to Janice Dickinson the cat, who had witnessed the entire thing.


	8. chapter eight

Niall blinked his eyes open, gradually waking up from the six hour "nap", if you will. The first thing he took notice to was the numbing feeling in his right arm, and only when he tried to lift it did he realize why it felt that way. Zayn was sprawled out across his entire arm, which had given it a wicked case of pins & needles.

He winced, struggling to pull it free from it's retraints. Zayn stirred slightly and rolled over it again, shooting a pain right up Niall's shoulder. "Zaynie, wake up."

It didn't take much coaxing for the sleeping boy's eyes to flutter open, and once they were - he smiled up at the blonde from where he was laying, sitting up a little to get rid of the uncomfortable lump he was laying on. (a.k.a Niall's arm)

"What do you think we'll be doing in like.. two years?"

Niall thought about it for a bit, whilst running his freehand up his asleep arm, in an attempt to bring it back to life. "We'll be seniors so, I guess we'll still be here."

Zayn ran the tip of his tongue over his lips, staring up at the ceiling. "We don't have to be _here_." It was instantly clear that his comment flew right over Niall's head, as he lay there and stared at Zayn, a vacant look in his eyes. "I re-applied to an AI school in France, on a whim of course, and they finally got back to me."

"That's funny, I didn't notice you check your emails while we were doing it." Niall said softly, and thankfully Zayn picked up on the lilt. "No, silly. They emailed me while you were out getting your notes. I didn't get the chance to tell you because you were like a rabbid wolf when you came back but.. yeah."

Niall kept his gaze fixed on his face for an extra long time, sincerily hoping he was joking. 

He raised his dark eyebrows, expectant. But Niall had no words even running through his mind. "You're leaving?" He said finally, his eyes growing wide. Zayn was quick to shake his head, though his expression told differently. "No! You're going with me."

The blonde chuckled, carding his fingers through his ruffled hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Wait, what?" Zayn whimpered, his voice sounding oddly childish. Like a child who caught their parent attempting the act of the Tooth Fairy. "But why?"

Niall could feel a burning sensation creeping up the sides of his throat until they reached his temples, compelling him to rub at them. He was actually getting a  _migrane_ from this. He let Zayn ramble on about forgiveness and relationship sacrifice, compromise etc.. but the only thing Niall heard was a familiar voice addressing him as a fuckwad and the slamming of a door.

When he came back to his senses and opened his eyes, Zayn was gone.

 

+

 

Harry looked a lot different the next day, oddly. That was when Niall saw him next, in the late afternoon, only because he was slowly driving himself mental from yesterday. He slid into the spot across from him on a bench outside - and Harry only peeked over the top of his book for a moment to see who was bothering him.

"Hey." Niall said with a crooked smile.

The first thing that struck him as different was the way his hair was today, it was lighter and styled a different way. He was wearing a slightly oversized maroon jumper, which was the only piece of clothing that Niall had never seen on him before. Let alone anything similar to it. He was still wearing impossibly skinny jeans and those fucking boots that Niall swears he saw on an info-mercial. 

Harry gave him a quick once over before closing his book and setting it aside. "You look nice. Wearing your post-sex glow, I see."

All Niall could manage in reply was a small 'oh' as he tilted his head in all sorts of directions to try to look at himself. "Who was the poor victim this time?"

He lowered his eyes, looking up at Harry with the coldest stare he could muster. "Zayn, like how it should be. But now he's pissed with me so, I'm -." Harry clears his throat abruptly. "Are you feeling better?" This comment struck Niall like a ton of bricks, out of surprise of course, and he stuttered out a weak noise. "I.. uh y-yeah. Zayn was telling me about studying abroad in Paris and I kind of shut him down."

"How can you shut down something he wants to do with his life?"

"Well, he asked me to go with him and I said no."

Harry hums, and that's all for a while. Niall's guessing he's waiting for him to finish. "I don't want him to feel like he has to run everything by me, or even.. include me in everything he does."

"That'd be a hard thing for him to just stop, y'know. Dependency is a tough pill to swallow for some." He picks up his book again, flipping back to the page he left off at. Niall took that as a signal that he should leave, so he slowly swung his leg over the bench and began to stand up. "Where are you going?" 

He raises his eyebrows, gesturing to his legs. "I thought you wanted me to go.."

Harry furrows his brow like what he's saying is ridiculous, and pulls a pack of cigarettes out of thin air. "If you're going to stay, though... you have to smoke with me. It's a new rule I made up." Harry says blandly, using two fingers to slide the marlboro pack across the tabletop. "Eleanor quite likes it."

The name strikes Niall as familiar, and it all links up. Eleanor is Liam's girlfriend's roommate, the one who leant Harry the juicy-fruit lighter. He grins and pulls one of them out of the box, passing it back over to Harry who does the same without even looking up. "Any advice for the Zayn situation?"

"Buy him some fucking flowers and stop acting like a cunt."

 

+

 

"They're so lovely, oh my." Zayn cooes, tightening his grasp around the tied together stems. He smiles the brightest he's ever smiled (in Niall's opinion) and immediately dives across the empty space between them to kiss said boy. 

Niall sighs and kisses him back, burying his face into his sweater-clad neck and breathing in his scent. He can feel the petals of the tulips tickling at the back of his neck, and he can smell them aswell.. which sends a shiver running up his spine.

"Let's go to Paris, Zayn."

He feels Zayn freeze in his embrace - sharp, shallow breaths leaving his parted lips. 

"Let's go to Paris." Niall repeats, softer this time. He pulls back so he can look Zayn square in the eye, with love and endearment. 

Zayn just stares at him for a little while, like he can't believe what he's hearing. But Niall looks so sincere, so sure of himself - and he can't help himself. He nods, and grins to the point where he's scared his jaw will break. "I'd love to."


End file.
